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Comedian, talk show host and ice road trucker. My tweets are real, and they’re spectacular.

39,063 Following   41,412,789 Followers   10,281 Tweets

Joined Twitter 8/14/08

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Compared to the wigs I wore in the 80s, I think Cyrus looks great. #ScandalAbout to watch #Scandal with @PortiadeRossi with @PortiadeRossi. She's on the show and on the couch watching with me.There’s still a chance to win $10k by watching my show this week! & you thought you wouldn’t get anything done today http://t.co/MUcbQz2m8gI just drove next to one of those new self-driving cars! It was putting on makeup and texting.Happy #ThrowbackThursday #TBT http://t.co/aqDqmRKReb
Easter is so close it could reach out and bite ya! At least that’s how these kids feel. http://t.co/v3VEykKjTA http://t.co/bR86tHde85Happy birthday, @RyanLewis. You’ve done incredible things for music. And scarves.Happy #YoureWelcomeWednesday. http://t.co/J95HUyHeqLHappy birthday, @EltonJohnDotCom! Sending love to you and your beautiful, wonderful, perfectly perfect family.
Moving toward a plant-based diet could save $16 billion. At least that's what the scientific advisory committee says http://t.co/Ej4ReM4ISv#RepeatAfterMe is about to start on ABC! @LeahRemini is so hilarious it hurts. Order something in. It's a TV night https://t.co/Xr5Ay3nfYVTonight is episode 2 of @NBCOneBigHappy! Watch it! http://t.co/hEVFUfdIqWIt’s #RiddleMeTuesday! Here’s the answer: http://t.co/Iu64aWfSBa http://t.co/NVeD1mxbw6Happy birthday, Jim Parsons. Bazinga!
I love this speech. Just like her character on Scandal, @KerryWashington is someone you want to have in your corner. http://t.co/6Jvf8AcoSlTomorrow. This happens. @LeahRemini and Scandal’s @BellamyYoung #RepeatAfterMe https://t.co/VNNV6QGFdaThe good news is, she makes house calls. http://t.co/7QIq1wlpRpHow the-?!!? What the-?! HUH?! http://t.co/IvNZJafrPIThis week if you’re watching my show you could win $10K! That’s almost as good as all the laughter & joy you’ll feel http://t.co/MUcbQyKLgI
Happy birthday, @RWitherspoon! I hope you celebrate it surrounded by the people you love, & not alone in the desert with no water & a fox.Happy birthday, @GuillermoDiazYo! I hope you had as much fun during #MadonnaWeek as I did. http://t.co/3Ej0rltY8l
My friend @LeahRemini is on #RepeatAfterMe this Tuesday and OMG. This one you can not miss. 8:30/7:30c. DVR it. Now.
Where does seaweed go to look for a job? The Kelp Wanted section. #ClassicJokeFridayWhy did the bird go to the hospital? Because he needed tweetment. #ClassicJokeFriday
My spring line is about to air on @QVC. Right now. Go! http://t.co/EdmYKI8v9jSonya Romero made me cry. http://t.co/IKoCnw08OeI’ve been pranking @MLauer for weeks. He got me back with a little surprise. Thousands of them. http://t.co/l5RtGwwPq7Happy #ThrowbackThursday #TBT http://t.co/HAk5FV8C2d.@Madonna has made some of the most iconic music videos of all time. Especially the one I was in. http://t.co/v4R5IfnK9zGive me one reason not to watch @Kelly_Clarkson sing this. http://t.co/65VV2sQdAU
You really have a lot of balls. RT @MLauer: Payback for @TheEllenShow came this evening! The game is on! Watch our prank tomorrow on Today!Thanks @GuillermoDiazYo for the cupcakes. Happy #MadonnaWeek! http://t.co/caz1FPEnUXThis makes me so unbelievably happy. Congratulations @Dev_Still71 and Leah. You did it! http://t.co/KK0NXGs6nJHappy #YoureWelcomeWednesday! If you’ve got a tip like this I wanna see it! Send it to me here http://t.co/sUiIsknEWf http://t.co/R2xB9KDyxlWhat a spectacular view of a shooting star over Loch Ness in Scotland. Breathtaking. http://t.co/F8FnZKcowWI had no idea @JustinBieber was so good at pretending to be a security guard. Or how much my audience drinks. http://t.co/LMb1qRrfTLHappy birthday, @AdamLevine! Sending lots of love to you, your wife and the other 4 Maroons.Never have I ever played “Never Have I Ever” with @JustinBieber and @Madonna. Until now. #MadonnaWeek http://t.co/8axn6A7QWd
Uh oh. Tomorrow. @JustinBieber @Madonna #MadonnaWeek http://t.co/pc5PSLowatThanks for watching! @HappyElishas, @NickZano and @IAMKELLYBROOK, you were incredible. See ya next week! #OneBigHappyIt’s really just a modern twist on a classic story – Boy meets girl, boy gets a lesbian pregnant, girl gets deported. #OneBigHappyFriendship can be hard, especially with such big life events going on. I hope they make the right choice about that accent wall #OneBigHappyKelly Brook was actually naked when she filmed that scene. She’s very comfortable with her body. So was everyone else on set. #OneBigHappyFor the record, if you have a cat named Ellen it doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian. It just means you have exquisite taste. #OneBigHappy#OneBigHappy is about to start! Turn on NBC. Then call someone who makes you happy and tell them to turn it on.#OneBigHappy starts in 30 minutes! I really think you’re gonna like it. See if you can spot the naked person.If you missed @JustinBieber on #RepeatAfterMe it's repeating tonight at 8:30/7:30c!I asked @Madonna about dating younger men. Men date younger women. & younger men. Point is, men do whatever they want http://t.co/DxQz5w50GjHappy Saint Patrick’s Day! I’ve been told my app @HeadsUp makes a great drinking game. I’ll let you decide that for yourself.Happy birthday, @RobLowe! You make 45 look good. And you make 51 look incredible.Tonight’s the night! #OneBigHappy https://t.co/BmEBYTiXyrHappy St. Patrick’s Day! I celebrated by playing a pipe to all the snakes in our yard. Kenny G was their favorite.
We're living in a Madonna world & I am just a Madonna girl. RT @Madonna: Tune into @TheEllenShow Tuesday for episode #1 of #MadonnaWeek!Don’t miss her incredible performance tomorrow. Happy #MadonnaWeek! http://t.co/n9Qdyl0QjSMy show @NBCOneBigHappy premieres tomorrow night! I can’t wait for you to see it. Set your DVRs! Tune in! Tweet! http://t.co/JMAGuSlvP2My arm is higher RT @FLOTUS Watch @TheEllenShow today as the First Lady, Ellen, break it down to the #GimmeFive dance http://t.co/UAC9Egh5p9It’s the March Madness sale! Grab a bracket and your favorite items in the Ellen Shop. You’ll fill out both nicely. http://t.co/HDBOosvc6JHappy birthday to the hilarious, adorable, wonderful @TheLaurenGraham. #InstaGraham http://t.co/Cl35Bk4mASThe First Lady caught me up on the First Family. First things first. http://t.co/965hISd8UX
It's going to be really hot for the @LAMarathon. If you're running, be careful. Remember, however far you make it, it'll be more than I did.
What did the crooked table say to the turkey? "Wobble wobble" #ClassicJokeFridayHow do you throw a party for Bruno Mars? You planet. #ClassicJokeFriday.@FLOTUS is here Monday! Don't miss when I ask the hard questions. Like which of us is better friends with @Oprah. http://t.co/SXXy3aEk4pWhere did the coffee bean find his soul mate? Grinder. #ClassicJokeFriday
The First Lady of the US, the First Lady of Scandal and the First Lady to Intercom Her Cat. @FLOTUS @BellamyYoung http://t.co/cG3rB95OisA viewer sent in this photo. The '80s sure were a good time. #TBT http://t.co/YGvEfuTjxCYou don't wanna miss it. No ifs ands or butts RT @NeYoCompound EAST COAST, did you catch me on Ellen? WEST COAST, tune in at 4pm!I did a live @Target scavenger hunt! This is what Portia and I do every time we go there. #LaughDancePartner http://t.co/ZvPNjqqnCtSo excited for #Frozen2. This is gonna be big. http://t.co/ejgl5REQ9OBecause the internet. http://t.co/9SJwt2aB4JHappy #ThrowbackThursday! #TBT http://t.co/NoiAfsdJQjYou knocked my socks off. And most of your dancers' clothes RT @NeYoCompound: About to rock @theellenshow! The turn up airs at 4pm! Turn up!Happy birthday, Liza Minnelli! From Ellen with an E not Hellen with an H ‘cuz Ellen with an E goes Eeee! not huhh.
Tomorrow. @msleamichele @chriscolfer @JennaUshkowitz @DarrenCriss @chordoverstreet http://t.co/XPCerFfi22He posted a photo to Instagram and now he’s a model, so I sent him to the Ellen Shop to sell anything except shirts. http://t.co/Pi1WUt6qIzOMGlee RT @msleamichele: So excited to go to my favorite place today @TheEllenShow yay!!!! Glam time now with @melaniemakeup & @DavyNewkirkHappy #YoureWelcomeWednesday! http://t.co/NA3Bo5VNJoSend me pics of a room in your house that’s in desperate need of a new look. Houzz might give ya 1 #LaughDancePartner http://t.co/npPIiuvllG.@Madonna’s new CD “Rebel Heart” is out and it’s incredible. Next week is my first ever #MADONNAWEEK!My prank war with @MLauer has gone on long enough. One of us needed to do it, so I jumped in feet first. http://t.co/IAbpnwq2X9
Watch out, Mindy. U don’t wanna mess with this guy RT @michaeljkellyjr: Someone stole my sign. @MindyKaling any idea? http://t.co/4oPs2oDicgPauline is such a sweet person. What a great sport. Thanks to all the guests, and thanks for watching! #RepeatAfterMeMy apologies to @FaithHill and her appropriate number of bazoombas. #RepeatAfterMeI can’t believe the delivery guy ate spaghetti like Lady and the Tramp. I can’t get my delivery guy to remember napkins. #RepeatAfterMeOlivia hilarious #RepeatAfterMeFun fact: That dummy is actually one of our hidden camera men in disguise. #RepeatAfterMeMy favorite @IamWandaSykes movie is “Bubble Puppy’s Fin-tastic Fairytale Adventure.” She was the witch. #RepeatAfterMe#RepeatAfterMe is about to start! Stop what you’re doing and turn on your TV! If you’re driving, pull over and find a waiting room with one.So nice, I’m doing it twice. If you have my ellentube app, you have another chance to win tickets to a 12 Days show! http://t.co/Y4q0Y6GdzwHappy #RiddleMeTuesday! Give up? Here’s the answer: http://t.co/EF81n38kqE http://t.co/BipMcNKW55#RepeatAfterMe @IAmWandaSykes is hilarious. https://t.co/nOMCskaNz5Sending support to the girls at St. Joseph’s Academy in Baton Rouge collecting cans for the homeless. You go girls! #GirlsCANTonight! @TheTimMcGraw uses his sonar, @iamWandaSykes wrestles a dummy & @OliviaMunn goes Lady & the Tramp. 8:30/7:30c @ABC! #RepeatAfterMeReal excited about my new project. #Zoolander2 http://t.co/DlZhdYFb8zHappy birthday, @CarrieUnderwood! Right now, you’re probably up singing some incredible version of Shania karaoke.Pixar’s new movie “Inside Out” is going to be incredible. No one’s seen the trailer. Except you, right now. http://t.co/ntHg1M2VZb
Put on your dancing shoes! The new trailer debuts tomorrow on @TheEllenShow! https://t.co/bQY3JY51uj
Retweeted by Ellen DeGeneresAre you ready for The Bachelor finale? Someone is going to be sent away for the rest of their lives. And someone is going to lose.This weekend I got to read some great books from my Entitle Book Bar. You can join me. Sign up here! You’re Entitled. http://t.co/XTelurzK4L.@SamSmithWorld & @JohnLegend have a new song together for charity. & you thought this Monday was going to be hard. http://t.co/G5bAoVQg2o
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