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News Editor (whatever that is) at @empiremagazine, host of the Empire Podcast, and Q&A-hole. It's ok. I wouldn't follow me either. Footy tweets @ChrisHewittLFC.

834 Following   21,957 Followers   55,289 Tweets

Joined Twitter 2/11/09

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@Dtothaj STREWTHThis isn't helping, guys! https://t.co/UYljnVyZg6Idea for TV show: TRUTHER - every week, Idris Elba walks around London in a big coat, bellowing conspiracy theories at the top of his voice.@TheSpoilist "K TWOOOOOOOOOOOO!"With dialogue like this, #Neverest simply has to happen. https://t.co/Czj84mWu3z@olly_richards I'm your special boy.@nickmurftweets Uh-huh, uh-huh, I'm interested. Tell me more.@olly_richards Sometimes you say hurtful things.@biscuitahoy_ Truly, he is Blessed. "I'VE NEVER CLIMBED NOTHING BEFORE, BUT BY CHRIST I'LL GIVE IT A GO.""But who would want to steal Everest, Professor? And where would they hide it?" "Never mind that. What am I going to do with all this rope?"[trailer voice] How do you climb the world's biggest mountain when the world's biggest mountain isn't there? Coming next summer: NEVERESTSee? This shit practically writes itself. https://t.co/ADzLqesNPL@nickmurftweets Hang on, you don't just do the tweets full-time?IDEA FOR FILM: mountaineers go to climb Everest 'because it's there'. But when they reach it, IT'S BEEN STOLEN. Then they must find Everest.Within seconds of my putting on a Gregory Porter album on the office stereo, it's been dubbed The Very Best Of Costa Coffee Vol 2. So cruel.@MattEtheridge If you don't have the rights to Hawkeye, you'll have to replace him. I suspect it might just have an old Wolverine...@MattEtheridge Or Old Man Hulk. Swap in some X-Men characters for them, I guess.I hope Jesse Eisenberg Luthor has a guy named Zucker who wants his own little town. "Luthorville. Marina Del Lex. Zuckerberg. Zuckerberg!?"
Retweeted by Chris HewittThanks to a lifetime spent playing video games, my instinct is to shoot at these to kill a boss http://t.co/Zf0sbVDazf
Retweeted by Chris HewittVery excited about choosing my fantasy football team, keeping up with it for two weeks, and then ignoring it for the rest of the season.@jackcaulfield Steady now. Family show.Congratulations! It worked! It's time to scream and shout! Your exorcism was a success You cast that demon out! #Hallmark
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@jackcaulfield He's pretty much said as much. It would have to be majorly reconfigured. No Hawkeye, no Banner etc.Jackman says the next Wolverine is the last time he'll wear the claws. Maybe the next 27 movies are Logan doing admin. #loophole@HelenLOHara I think Twitter may have twurned a corner.@devincf I'll take my chances. No way you have the power to shoot anything into the sun on just 3% battery.Astonishingly, the replies to this weren't all batshit insane or requests for follow-backs. https://t.co/Njj2NkhZ0R[dad comes home after 14 years] Dad: hi son Me [sobbing]: dad? Where have you been? Dad [sighs]: I see you're still annoying as shit
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt
7/28
2015
@Philt1971Philip I appear to have tweeted 'q' at you. This is most unusual.@Philt1971Philip q@biscuitahoy_ I am a beautiful snowflake.4 months ago i quietly left 57 dvds of 'click' at my parents' house and they've still never noticed or mentioned it http://t.co/j864rH9eG8
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@sleezsisters Very wise. Make sure to wash your hands.@ChrisHewitt I'm hosting a big Jamaican chicken dinner tomorrow and I'd like to get a head start tonight. Figure I'll jerk it then go to bed
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@unklerupert Yep. I think this is my third variation on what is clearly a well-worn vein.@biscuitahoy_ I accept it. This is me in my 'nipping to the local Spar' outfit.In case of any medical emergencies, my blod is typo."I don't get it." - Me, reading my own jokes“@CodyDevvald: Can't stop laughing. http://t.co/EcqhUXUfDY
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@ErisLovesMovies I can't control the muse.I am so sorry about this.Spent most of the evening building a huge Lego tower with an uneven number of bricks. Guess I'd better knock one out before going to sleep.Great opp -@WayToBlueUS are looking for a Social Media Director to be placed at a major film studio in LA. Please RT https://t.co/vXoGKKdk6J
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@adamrubins Adam, honestly, all you had to do was ask. I'll start on Monday.Need to stop by the tighty whities store on the way home. Oh, just laying the groundwork for my new ultra-sexy avi.By the time he was my age, Lee Harvey Oswald had already shot a PRESIDENT. i haven't even shot a normal person
Retweeted by Chris HewittMy favorite thing about Shockwave Flash is how it crashes all the time and is not good.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@adamhess1 Flymo Baggins.@stevetoase HE stole the idea from ME. Bloody COCKER.@MooseAllain Nothing like a smooth, creamy Cadbury's Hankering.My one-man show, Weird Bloke Getting Arrested After Storming The Stage At Book Of Mormon, is already sold out for tonight. So excited!A man is knocked out during a robbery.His wife and children are brutally murdered- Pixar: Gee it's kinda dark ...Ok a FISH is- Pix: YES.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@MooseAllain Got the strangest hankering for a Kit-Kat right about now.'Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand. And that one, that's Phil. He just sits on the cement. No idea where B&Q find these people.'
Retweeted by Chris HewittThe first judge ever was like "When I'm done talking I'll pound my desk with a hammer" and we were all "Ok that's not insane"
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@_GrahamPatrick *doffs cap, offers hand of friendship, forgets hand is attached to buzzer*Signs that you've lost perspective: just called my local hospital and asked to book an x-man.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@sam_clements No, honest FOR YOU, WHAT IS CINEMA?About to do a one-hour interview on almost no sleep. Hopefully my interviewee won't notizzzzzzzz huh wha? WHAT ATTRACTED YOU TO THE PROJECT?When Aphrodite lays naked on a giant clam she's a "goddess" but when I do it I'm "drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium".
Retweeted by Chris HewittUnder The Skin presented by @rianjohnson and me with a cold… what more do you want from a Monday night? https://t.co/wb3VGlAjIm
Retweeted by Chris HewittWriting a song for teens called It Gets Worse
Retweeted by Chris HewittI'm always spitting sports stats and yet men keep refusing to fall in love with me. Where am I going wrong? https://t.co/9thtIoX8t0
Retweeted by Chris HewittReally hope that Make Me has a 27-page sequence where Reacher discusses the origins of Superdrug in excruciating detail.This was sitting on my desk, awaiting my return. I am beyond excited. https://t.co/Ney6HFFS8S@catherinebray @littledotstudio Congrabulatations!when the waiter asks if pepsi is OK http://t.co/4ekE3xN66t
Retweeted by Chris HewittWhen you grow up fancying male Test cricketers rather than hot women, you end up with very different Lara Croft fantasies.
Retweeted by Chris HewittI'm "in" the office. Back to "work".@adrianbane Nope. That burger bar thing.@chapmancmc *whispers* I haven't seen it in years."I think science is all a guess." Ladies and gentlemen, the stupidest thing you will read today. Or any day. https://t.co/OVXpg26i5BThe Guest is the #1 movie on Netflix! Watch the film Netflix users are raving about http://t.co/v8RfcHPCk7
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt
7/27
2015
@FIGODeputyRep Seems fair.GF: I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split up ME: Good idea. We can cover more ground that way.
Retweeted by Chris HewittCan't stop laughing at this http://t.co/Wa3O9wzIN4
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@jamie_graham9 I'd be more surprised if she hadn't. Seems very rare for actors not to smoke, he observed, peering over his glasses.@Pundamentalism This is a great disappointment to me.Just watching a TV show where a French chef has been subtitled, even though everything he says is in perfectly clear English. What the hell.If they want to remake Ghostbusters with 50% of the original budget, they should just cast Ray Winstone and Peter Egan
Retweeted by Chris HewittHIGH SEAS COP: Do you know why I pulled your ship over? PIRATE: *notices his swash isn't buckled* Oh, shit.
Retweeted by Chris HewittNot sure I could manage a sex tape. Probably, at best, a sex gif.
Retweeted by Chris HewittYou can make a catchy beat using a snare drum.
Retweeted by Chris HewittI'm always humbled when a critic says our comics will date badly. That a time-traveller would come back just to say that is pretty amazing.
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt
7/26
2015
If you've never seen "Lookwell", co-written by @ConanOBrien and Robert Smigel, I'd HIGHLY recommend it. Hilarious. https://t.co/MxGIUSRLTu
Retweeted by Chris Hewitt@TimePositions Bingo.@NickyRR Could quite happily spend a day there.@TillyTweets Easy, mate: 1. Rebecca Ferguson 2. Rebecca Ferguson No, wait!@tht_crazyguy Oh, I'm almost always wrong.@TimePositions The baseball cap is what happens when I wake up at 9.30, with a screening at 10...@Scientits @ben_cameron Wait a second, I'm nearly done.IDEA FOR TV SHOW: Chris Hewitt Has A Picnic With Rebecca Ferguson, Maybe Even Both Rebecca Fergusons. Every week, I... You get the idea.@ben_cameron I'm having a moment.@TimePositions It was amazing. They sell doughnuts, Tim. DOUGHNUTS.You're either a Rebecca Ferguson or a Rebecca Fergusoff.That's one for Rebecca Ferguson. Now, would anyone like to put in a word for Rebecca Ferguson? https://t.co/rgGuVVqPPVAlso, this was my first time at the new Picturehouse Central. My God, what a stunning venue. Makes me feel sorry for other cinemas.What am I saying? Let's call it a draw.Sorry, Rebecca Ferguson, but Rebecca Ferguson might just be my new favourite Rebecca Ferguson.Rogue Nation is terrific. Knowing, packed with great action, glorious double/triple/quadruple crosses, and nary an explosion in sight.
7/25
2015
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