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Erin Markey @ErinMarkey New York, NY

::a rat a tat tat:: oneninehundredcake on instagram

909 Following   2,300 Followers   6,890 Tweets

Join Twitter 3/9/09

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Hey Everyone! Hope you had a great day! Finally getting around to cooking some pinto beans! I’ll let you know how they turn out.
Retweeted by Erin MarkeyIts still snowing really hard inside my sense of ambition so continue to refrain from driving
1/27
2015
When I get snowed in I like 2 drink kefir & listen to jazz records while my partner of 5 years makes snickerdoodles & sets up apples2applesRemember that joke where you mumble "homosayswhat" so incoherently that whoever your with says "what"@NOTCHRISTYLER triple fire@NOTCHRISTYLER feeling of service in this time of crisis@FredBarton1899 hahahahaDJ Lazy Stormchaser@billycheer @EmilyGould not to put my laws on anyone's body but it's also possible that the snow's gender could be baby
1/26
2015
I feel pretty complicated about gratitude, but I can feel 100% down for @billycheer. no questions asked.What kind of psychos want to be friends with me on venmo.
1/25
2015
@nealmedlyn hahahahaCant decide between friendship sour cream and daisy sour cream because I support both of their messages equally.Passing by the craisins like its nothing. Feeling strong.The last tweet only makes sense if you follow the news from two years ago and if don't you might need to take a good long look at your life.I dont forgive myself for buying homophobic pasta and if u favorite this u r part of the problemIf you don't have roller baskets I can't respect you as a grocery store.
1/24
2015
The Meeting* of The International @OrderofSodomite Rides Again with Ethel Merman at @JoesPub with @ErinMarkey @MissMollyPope @benrimalower
Retweeted by Erin Markey
1/16
2015
"You take a bath by yourself with candles and you literally get a tindr straight flush. 5 matches in a row." -Dry Jan"Get rich quick: eat tiny chocolate santas by candelight" -Dry Jan@Zhen3553 oui! Me too
1/15
2015
If psoriasis on the throat chakra is any indication im having a good january then I have good news.
1/14
2015
@michaelcavadias hahahaha@NOTCHRISTYLER @dereksasquatch hahahahahahaha
1/12
2015
@earldax @JoesPub u r a weinerA light-hearted moment from a children's bible there http://t.co/dMw7XGaqFC
Retweeted by Erin Markey@earldax @JoesPub tis not cabaret this time aroundIn the bathroom, I turn on my phone jams and transform into DJ Threeroommates#RideontheIrishCream w/ @ErinMarkey tonight @ 7PM. New show feat. Emily Bate, Becca Blackwell, Amber Gray, Markey & Kenny Mellman #APAPNYC
Retweeted by Erin Markey
1/11
2015
Joes Pub just released a handful of tickets to tmrw night's 7pm performance of my new show A Ride On The Irish Cream http://t.co/H9KpI3o04R
1/10
2015
I'm trying to gather resources to start a reality show called Masterchef Hospice and I need money guys
1/7
2015
The person whose handwriting I love the most is my mom's. Thank you to everyone who auditioned.
1/6
2014
@AndrewAndrew @thelambsclub is this some kind of sex party?instead of betty crocker, trying trisha yearwood's snickerdoodles recipe this new years eve. 6 degrees of Chris Gaines.
12/31
2014
Feeling really blessed that my brother is projecting his game of candy crush: soda saga on ceiling as we watch u of nebraska play ftbl on tvWhole family is literally taking turns with a thermometer for fun around a Frozen decorated birthday table. Everybody's temp is human/normalPeeing in a Cracker Barrel handicap stall listening to Reba and checking FB. Feeling incredibly present.
12/27
2014
@KateKilgannon Curly Joe Hidden@B28Blair @SarahMillican75 Curly Joe Hidden
12/26
2014
Me and my brother and sister all have the same porn star name. :(Mom just opened Disney Christmas ornament shaped doobie for the second year in a row@NewOhioTheatre yeah that's where I startedLying in the dark on an air mattress trying to figure out what exactly Mr Holland's Opus and Benjamin Button have in common.
12/25
2014
@NOTCHRISTYLER Whoah. Are u driving? Is it cool to call a 26 yer old dad?@NOTCHRISTYLER I know u get therapy jokes because we're both on medicaid@NOTCHRISTYLER can we do a Skype session?@NOTCHRISTYLER she could have and did fool me but who's keeping scoreMy mom, claiming she's not Santa & thus cannot leave unwrapped presents under the tree. I am winning at phone solitaire over and over.
12/24
2014
No internet at my sister's so rocket skates is my favorite part of jackass the movieChrimmy confess-ups: I don't like it when a cat treats my thigh like its the leg of an old shitty couchFor Christmas, I give you the word hoagie.
12/23
2014
"What happens with the fragments of the discontinuities when they are presented in a nontraditional text?" -girl at cafe Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
12/17
2014
Tonight! Connelly with dannydigitalbklyn and special guest @jillsobule !!! 8pm. Regram @gerryvisco http://t.co/0GatiR1XSZ
Retweeted by Erin Markey
12/16
2014
My dad's eyes is on the sparrow and I know he watches me.gave me chills thanks NYC MY CITY #icantbreathe http://t.co/MZaDBWWm3j
Retweeted by Erin Markey
12/14
2014
Theater Review: 'War Lesbian' Gives Ellen DeGeneres a Demonic Twist http://t.co/wZubQ5h0vk
Retweeted by Erin Markey
12/12
2014
it's lonely beer/leggings night@GayCityNews @TheRealEllenD pps i am not even playing ellen. i play the baby. not to get @usweekly involved@GayCityNews @TheRealEllenD gotta defend those demonsi am sitting in a haunted apartment in my new knock-off cuddl duds. #auntjo@GayCityNews @TheRealEllenD technically Ellen is not the villain in the show. She has a complicated relationship to capitalism and babies.
12/11
2014
Some people treat Santa like he's a baby. For instance, these lyrics: He's a great big bundle of joy Is this fair? Exploitive?
12/9
2014
So sick of punishing myself for not understanding the circle of fifthsI have a cruel amount of Christmas spirit inside of me right now@NOTCHRISTYLER @EricShethar @dereksasquatch we don't need a grant. We've got crumpled up paper!@billycheer there's a cute way to force them to make the decision themself@NOTCHRISTYLER @dereksasquatch Whoah its 100% full fledged lezi know when to take a gchat off the record
12/8
2014
@perfectlildani spoiler alert
12/7
2014
@ErinMarkey i have a peg on the top of my skull that's perfect for hats and helmets, & i can hold scepters and wands in my rod hollowed palmhey, listen. if you need any help revitalizing american theater, i'm your lego.you may or may not know i'm playing a lesbian with no hands in a live theatrical experience similar to #PeterPanLive http://t.co/heEBnGP9Cb
12/6
2014
I cannot delete my #peterpanlive tweets fast enough
12/5
2014
"i don't need to see you're listening" -Becca Blackwell's notes for WendyWendy:Bathtub::Sylvia:Oven@realleadelaria you are the ultimate hookI invite Minnie Driver to narrate the pharmacist notes on the topical steroids prescribed to treat my psoriasis@bridgeteverett Holy fuck idk but I will go head and cast my mom as smee@bridgeteverett I'm satisfied with walken and Julia roberts@bridgeteverett toward ointb?@LeeHouck yup she would be a great hookU r wasting my time schmeeWhy isn't the cast the orange is the new black playing these pirates MAY I ASK@captaindingbat yes mamaSo terrified I'm actually more of a wendyI'd do anything. Train my dad to be a news anchor. Whatever it takes.It would be my great honor to lose 30 pounds to play the role of peter pan
12/4
2014
I used to be so wise http://t.co/HiVfnTNTBw http://t.co/6uU4TKtO18
12/2
2014
Just tindr-ing with a bag of naval oranges outside Dixon Place!
12/1
2014
@BSWFilm reeeeal cute
11/30
2014
I'm the non-equity deputy. Come to me with your complaints.
11/29
2014
Tindr Famous This T-gives
11/27
2014
At the march. Its awesome but a bunch of white dudes are leading the "hands up/don't shoot" chant and I'm like...
11/25
2014
White people are enjoying the fuck out of the looting in #Ferguson like they ain't loot this whole globe.
Retweeted by Erin Markey
11/24
2014
@captaindingbat sally fields in Mrs Doubtfireif i cut my hair do i ruin me forever
11/20
2014
Peak whenever feels good
11/13
2014
I took a Plan B once and felt nothingwhat if you put chapstick all over your upper lip and ate a clementine cutie? we would be twins
11/12
2014
One little text inviting u to see sideshow and suddenly u are rich
11/11
2014
Does this McGriddle make my Christmas List look big?
11/9
2014
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